My musical nemesis

Repetition. When I'm learning a new song, it's unavoidable. As I mentioned some time ago, I pretty much fail at reading sheet music, so the only way I can really learn is by ear. And the only way to really learn something by ear is to listen to it. Many, many times. And then when I can figure out the fingering, to divvy it up into little sections and play each phrase. Many, many times. When I'm learning a new song, my life becomes the musical equivalent of Groundhog Day.

At the moment I am about halfway through What If by Emilie Autumn, a pretty, flowy kind of tune. I'm veering between the version by this harpist on YouTube (although she's playing pedal, which somewhat screws things up), and the recorded version, twisting my face into bizarre expressions as I struggle to hear the exact notes the piano is playing underneath the layers of strings and vocals. I tell myself that it will be worth it when I can play the full song smoothly. This is what I tell myself as my (bleeding, broken) fingers clamber up that stupid broken A chord for the umpteenth time.

I have already stated that repetition is the best way for me to learn. Unfortunately, the idea of anything repeating endlessly drives me crazy. Stairs. Wallpaper patterns. Carousels. Songs...

So, even though it's in the name of learning a song well, the sound of my own fingers playing the same chords over and over gives me the feeling of being in a recurring nightmare. I must be a masochist, though, because if I'm impatient to learn the song I keep at it, and at it, convinced that just one more repetition will make it perfect.

This must be how people go crazy...