Browsing a thread on Harp Column just now, I came across this post dated a few days ago. And it sounded very familiar...
"Help! I got roped into playing my harp at a small church function in a few days. I still classify myself as a beginner/intermediate, but I've never played for anyone. When I play this little Christmas carol alone, I do fine, but when I try to play in front of a friend or relative, I stumble and draw blanks. I'm afraid I'm going to make a fool of myself in front of a crowd. Tried to get out of it and told them I wasn't accomplished enough, but they wouldn't take no for an answer. Any words of comfort?"
My heart goes out to this person. Why? Because I am this person. Well, okay, not literally, but the situation is very, very similar. I almost never play in public because of this very same problem. I've got a bad case of stage fright where harp is concerned and have never quite gotten over it. I also used to get performance anxiety when I first started flute, but I got over it pretty quickly and played it in public (at church, mostly) for years without problems.
I'm not sure why it's so different with harp, but I can make an educated guess. Maybe it's because I started it pretty late, maybe it's because there are those pesky chords to deal with instead of just a straight melody line, but I'd be willing to bet that it's because I'm just not as confident in my ability. (And, frankly, I could stand to practice more.) Whenever I try to play in public, the fear that it won't be good enough is always lurking in the back of my mind. (Perfectionist, anyone?)
I do feel really sorry for the people who actually get sick from nerves, but that isn't my problem. When I get nervous, my hands shake like crazy, and as you might imagine, those strings suddenly become much harder to get hold of and my fingers just skitter right off them. That's so annoying that I'd honestly be relieved if I just got sick before I played. Then at least it would be out of my system, so to speak. (There are probably better ways of expressing that. Sorry.)
I wish there was a tidy way to tie this post up. I could tell a story about how I found a miraculous cure for this problem, but I'd be lying. I don't think I'll ever get rid of my nerves, not entirely anyway, so I guess the best I can do is figure out how to fake it.
Learning how to stop flinching whenever I make a mistake would be a start...
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2 comments:
Hello, I'm a harpist in California. I actually started at age 15 and have been playing for two years. I play on the concert grand harp. Because my improvement was very rapid, my teacher signed me up to perform a LOT. At first, I had the same problem as probably everybody. I had huge stage fright. For me, I had to just grit my teeth and perform a lot - practice always makes perfect. I asked my parents to just sometimes sit down and listen to me play, like at a concert. My boyfriend sat down to listen to me play. After much practice, I'm still very shaky and my fingers are still liable to slip from the strings. But, it's a lot better. I'd just say perform more in front of other people (: good luck!
Thanks for the kind words, it's reassuring to see how many of us have struggled with this problem. And what you suggest makes a lot of sense. My flute teacher also made me perform a lot when I first started, and sure enough, I got over my nerves with that pretty fast. :)
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